Roller Coaster

Chances are, you know someone who has battled cancer at some point in his or her life. If this is the case, then you are probably familiar with the intense emotions that accompany this battle--up one day and down the next. Actually, it usually happens by the hour and even in a matter of minutes you can go from flying high to bracing for impact.

I had one such episode yesterday. We have a dear family friend who stopped by our home last night to say hello. He heard what I was going through and wanted to see me. You should know that this friend is currently battling cancer as well and he is much older than I. Now, it has been years since I've seen him last and when I saw him last night I was absolutely amazed because of how much he had appeared to have aged. As he was talking, he was moving his mouth as if he was trying to hold his teeth in and also licking his lips quite a bit like he didn't have any saliva--totally freaked me out. As he is speaking to me, he tells me how the radiation really did the job on his teeth and jawbone. So much so that his teeth are now cracking and falling out. Needless to say, it scared the crap out of me and I was more depressed after seeing him than I had been at any point thus far.

About 10 minutes later, my mom saw that I was rather "distressed" and asked me if I had gotten bad news. I responded by saying that it didn't help to see what I was going to look like in 8 years (the length of time since our family friend had received his radiation). To which she replies that there have been a lot of medical developments in the last 8 years. Quite true, but not much comfort--the problem in this business is that nothing is known for sure. For example, doctors will seldom guarantee anything because it is impossible to know how your body will respond to something. Instead, they put things in terms of percentages. So far, I've been in the upper-90's percentile for either not having cancer or getting it all taken care of with surgery--all that to say, the percentages haven't done crap for me yet. So at this point, I'm feeling pretty bad about things and I'm scared out of my mind!

Not more than 5 minutes later, my Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor calls me back (I had left him a message earlier in the day). I share with him my decision to seek the radiation treatment at the Lombardi Cancer Center in Washington, DC as well as some of my current concerns. (If any of you out there have ever had a doctor that you know really cares about how you are doing, then you understand how much of a positive impact he or she can have on your emotional well-being.) I share with him my recent interaction with the family friend and he emphasizes that the radiation will be aimed at my tongue and throat--not at my teeth. As it turns out, teeth are naturally resistant to radiation and he believes that in my case, I won't have to get any teeth removed in preparation for radiation. This is nothing short of HUGE news. However, this is a decision that will be made by my radiation oncologist, not my ear, nose, and throat doctor so I can't get too carried away yet. All it does for me now is helps me get a little more sleep at night.

Following that call, I was back at one of the higher points of the day. It really helped that my doctor took as much time as I needed to chat and get all my questions answered--and this is while he's talking to me on his personal cell phone and driving his kids home. I'm a big fan of this guy.

Which brings me to my conclusion that as bad as things are or seem to be, there is always someone who comes along at the right moment to help give you the strength to carry on instead of feeling totally overwhelmed and helpless. It could be a friend, family member, God, a combination of the three, or something else that I haven't experienced.

I'm reminded of the concept of "baby steps" in What About Bob? in that sometimes you just gotta focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, however, that just isn't possible without the help of faith, family, and friends.