30-Minute Mile

Well that was depressing.

I just got back from my first run since about the second week of August when I was in my second week of cancer treatment. Ever since that time, my mouth sores or other variables haven't allow me to do much of anything that would expend energy. Let's see...it's November now...which means it has been almost three months since I last attempted to exercise on something more than the subway escalator.

And it showed.

I literally didn't get out of the parking lot of my apartment building when I knew I was going to be in trouble. For those of you who don't know where I live, I'm about a quarter of a mile away from the Iwo Jima Memorial in Arlington, Virginia. It's a beautiful place to live and the memorial is my favorite one in the DC metro area. By the time I made it just past the memorial, I had to actually stop...I had to stop after about a quarter mile, can you believe that? Now, I've never been a world class runner, but I've been able to hold my own in several 5K's and a 10-miler. Last weekend I watched the Marine Corps Marathon and was inspired to try to make that happen next year. But before I can start looking toward 26.2 miles, I've gotta be able to run one mile without feeling like I'm going to die of a heart attack.

My lungs felt like lead, as if they weren't able to expand to pull oxygen into my body. On top of that, they felt as if they were on fire, which is a normal feeling when you are out of shape. When you run and are really pushing yourself, you will have pain. Usually the ability to keep running is dependent upon your mental strength and ability to put the pain out of your mind--you would be surprised what the human body is capable of when it is really pushed. But tonight? No way...not a chance. I physically could not do it. The fact that I was getting dizzy is what tipped me off. I've never gotten dizzy while running until today.

This is so frustrating. I knew that this entire cancer experience was going to be hard work, but this is ridiculous. I certainly was not expecting to just bounce back to the 7-minute pace I was at before all of this started, but I did think I would be able to make it farther than a quarter mile. All of this leads me to the simple conclusion that the road to recovery is just a little longer yet. After everything that I have been through, this should come as no surprise to me. And once I get back to my desired level of cardiovascular ability, I'm going to have to work hard to maintain it because, trust me, it is not worth it to go back to this place where I get winded after climbing a set of stairs.

I've made it through harder stuff than this. I'll do this, too, and be stronger when I make it out the other side. But, this serves as a stark reminder of my humanity. I've never felt so mortal in my life!