A Worthy Opponent

It seems like I've been giving a lot of facts lately without any editorializing. One could argue that this is to the reader's benefit. The entire purpose of this website is to make things a little easier on me in my effort to keep all of those close to me--and even those who may know about me but whom I have never met--in the loop.

I know that I have old friends from college who read this occasionally and I am frequently reminded that my family reads with regularity. College friends who I currently am in touch with and also some complete strangers are faithful readers, too. Some political friends and others who don't really fit in any category at all have also wanted me to stay current with what has been happening in my life. Whoever you are, I thank you--really thank you--from the bottom of my heart for reading about the daily struggles and triumphs that I encounter. I acknowledge that I need to do a better job of keeping you all informed via my blog and I really wish that I could just skip the blog and make personal contact with each of you the norm. Unfortunately, that is quite impossible as I'm sure you all are well aware. So I'm forced to do the best that I can, which I know is sometimes not good enough by the standards of the world around us.

This experience that began for me back in the first week of February 2005 with a biopsy of my tongue has been nothing but up and down about as much as the stock market. On the best days, it is taxing. On the worst, it is overwhelming. In some of my first postings I wrote about these roller coaster rides and how hard they were. How some days, I could be perfectly fine and a few minutes later be searching for a private place to shed some tears in solitude. I did not write this for sympathy or pity, but just so that those who I have interactions with could experience, even only a little bit, what I was going through. I know that many of my friends and family use my blog as a place to go to find ways to pray for me.

A funny thing happens when you are fighting cancer, at least for me. I have started eating healthier foods and exercising more--I even take the stairs instead of the elevator when I'm not recovering from surgery. I avoid places where cigarette smoke is prevalent, not because I think I'm better than those places or even cigarette smoke, but because I know that little things like these that I can control help me define the terms of how I am fighting my cancer. My doctor in Washington state told me to embrace a healthy lifestyle and I'm doing everything I can to give myself the advantage. Heck, I even buy organic fruits and veggies now! I do these things because it's not about being trendy or cool. Neither is it about losing weight or increasing stamina, although those are some good benefits on the side. I do these things because it is a matter of SURVIVAL.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in this experience is self-discipline. This has brought the phrase "looking out for number one" to an entirely new level. I don't consider myself to be number one, but that is not the point. The only person that can control what you eat and how you treat your body is you. There may be some folks out there--cancer patients and survivors and their families are good examples--who know what I am talking about and know the changes in lifestyle that they had to embrace when they were diagnosed. It is not easy. In fact, it's hard...very hard. Because a lot of people don't expect you to change--they don't want you to change because that is acknowledging that this disease is serious and it is threatening. Many people don't like to hear that or think about that. It's a subject to be avoided. This makes it very difficult to make lifestyle changes. It is at this point that you must dig deep and have the discipline necessary to stick to the choices that you know are right for your body, mind, and spirit.

I am only 27 years old. I'm not the smartest or most experienced guy in the world. But I can say unequivocally that so far in my life, this is the hardest thing that I have ever done. And I'm no wise man, but I can also say with certainty that it will not get easier before I beat this thing. It will get harder, much harder. The very ability to recognize the seriousness of a situation that is not often sunny gives me an advantage. The British thought the American rebels were an inconvenience, and look what that got them. You have to respect the enemy or he will use your overconfidence to destroy you.

What I can promise each and every one of you who take the time to read my blog is that I am doing the best that I can in my fight against cancer. I'm lucky. I have some of the best doctors in the world taking care of me. I have some of the best technology in the world about a mile away. But it would be foolish to think that technological advances in the medical field will save my life. The truth of the matter is that this is a battle and I am the one fighting it. The things I do are part of an active plan to beat this disease. My lifestyle is not what it used to be out of necessity--out of an effort for survival. That does not make it better than anyone else's nor does it make me superior to anyone. It is just different.

I am different.

Over the last five months I have matured in ways that I never imagined--ways that I hoped I would never be forced to. My hope is that it is making me a better person, a more deliberate and disciplined person. A person who likes to have fun and appreciates life. It is also my hope that through my life I can be an inspiration to others. I hope that no matter what, I can say that I gave my best.

The battle continues...